Losing fur babies

 It's been years since the last time I wrote. Today I felt like I had to. Something inside me just want to put it all out to the Universe.  

It's January 2021. The first month of the year usually brings so much hope and optimism. But this month has given me so much heartaches already. If I could show the world the shape of my heart, it would see I've got a a cat-shaped hole on it. 

We lost two dearest kittens this month - Loren and Ralph. Siblings. Both born on October 1, 2020. Ralph passed on last January 13. Loren left us today, January 23. Every time I gaze on their photos on my mobile phone, I feel the urge to cry. Even when there are no more tears from too much crying. I miss them sorely. 

I am writing this because I don't want to forget them. While their memories are etched in my heart already, I want the world and the universe to see them and know them and feel how I feel. 

Our special fur baby... Loren.

Loren and I on New Year's Eve.

Loren was born with anatomical defect which prevented her from having normal bowel movements. We had her on diapers all day long, except at night. She could not walk normally like any other normal kittens. And obviously did not have the chance to play as normal kittens would. She would just look at her siblings - Ralph and Calvin run around the house, climb and jump over chairs and tables. She couldn't do those things. She had physical limitations- but for a couple of months she showed strength and agility that I thought and I wanted to believe she could make it though. How I wished she could have made it through just a little longer. I thought she could be a miracle kitten. That despite her gloomy condition, I would see her grow up. We didn't mind having to take care of her just a bit more than the rest. Just as long as she would live.

     

And then there was Ralph.                                                               

 

    

.New Year's Eve, holding Ralph                                                         

Ralph was like some parent's middle child. As they would say, middle child are often not "really seen". Ralph was quiet and early on, we saw he was not as healthy as his other brother- Calvin. But there are days he can compete with Calvin's energy and playfulness. He was more behaved. I would call him "Mama's boy" as there was nowhere else he wanted to be than right beside his mother- Tammy. At every chance he could lay on her tummy, he would. On the day he died, my sister said Ralph vomited a lot. No idea what caused him to vomit. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully.

Both Loren and Ralph looked like they were just sleeping. I wish they would wake up. I wish they were still here. I wish to see them grow up and live years ahead like the rest. For those who have ever lost a kitten, a pet, a fur baby, you know the heartaches it brings. For those who cannot fathom the heartbreak or grief even, perhaps you have never loved or took care of one. 

To my Loren and Ralph, I know you would see each other in Cat Heaven and your other sibling, Klein. You will always be in our hearts. We miss you terribly. And we love you always, always, always. 

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